You’re Not Playing the Victim (Your Heart Is Broken)

Heart Alchemy Course

The Heart Alchemy Course teaches you how to create and lead your vision from peace and power.

Inside, you’ll get the full seven archetypes. The clearing process. The three advanced initiations. The shadow patterns. The Hawkins scale overlay. The Merkabah activation. The whole geometry.

Go to The Course

Use code JOSH for $100 off

In This Episode, Kylie Ryan Uncovers:

[00:00] The Heart Alchemy Framework

• How the heart alchemy model grew directly from Dr. Stephen Karpman’s drama triangle.
• Why Kylie changed the name from perpetrator to aggressor.
• How she inverted the triangle so the victim sits at the bottom.
• Why the pendulum between victim and rescuer swings on ownership and responsibility.
• How the rescuer eventually becomes the victim of their own compassion.
• What separates the rescuer from the aggressor is the line of empathy.
• What separates the victim from the aggressor is confidence and assertiveness.

Resources:

• Kylie Ryan
• Free Drama Dissolver Self-Coaching Game
• Heart Alchemy Course – Use code JOSH for $100 off.
• Dr. Stephen Karpman | Drama Triangle

[08:14] The Wobble Board and the Wounded Heart

• Why this is the wobble board and why we are the ones who get to balance it.
• How every human is suffering inside some version of drama, conflict, or wound.
• What the purpose of drama actually is.
• Why drama is the heart trying to heal itself.
• How seeing the archetypes stops drama from feeling like a character flaw.

[11:26] Peace Has No Magic Bullet

• How every model in personal development is just a map for the mind to find the heart.
• Why there is no magic bullet outside yourself.
• How metastating allows feelings to move through the body and complete their cycle.
• Why heart alchemy is emotional yoga.

[14:57] Breath and the Emotional Wave

• How Kylie learned diaphragmatic breathing as a child through opera and horse riding.
• Why breath is the base of every other capacity.
• How a partner breathwork session with Dan Brule sent energy running through both people’s hands until they felt enormous.
• Why you do not need a certification to work with your breath.

Resources:

• Dan Brule | Breathwork

[21:57] Presence vs Performance

• How Dan Brule received the call that his son had died and went immediately to his breath and his grief.
• Why peace only exists in the present moment.
• How performance is rooted in the fear that what you are is not enough.
• Why Kylie became an improvisation nightclub singer and how that became one of the most powerful presence training experiences of her life.
• How you cannot be fully with another person while performing a version of yourself.

[29:59] The Trap of Insecurity

• Why insecurity is the engine underneath all three archetypes.
• How the most successful people in the material world often have the biggest insecurities driving them.
• What the trap of insecurity actually is: feeling unsafe to simply be who you are.
• How saying I do not have all the answers is what makes someone trustworthy.

Resources:

• Alan Watts: The Wisdom of Insecurity

[36:04] The Jail Cell of Generational Blame

• Why holding resentment toward a parent is handing the keys of your healing to someone who is gone or unable to hold them.
• How resentment keeps your freedom in someone else’s hands indefinitely.
• What choosing agency looks like regardless of what happened in the past.
• Why compassion for our ancestors is the first door to your own freedom.

Resources:

• 311 | Mark Wolynn: It Didn’t Start With You — Ending The Cycle of Inherited Trauma

[40:43] Force vs Flow in the Body

• Why the BE-DO-HAVE model breaks down when people skip straight to doing.
• How forcing life from fear will always produce burnout.
• Why everything you are gripping toward is only available through flow and surrender.
• How the way out of survival programming is raising the state from which you do things.
• Why flow comes from presence, not effort.
• How dropping the breath into the diaphragm shifts your center of gravity and quiets the mind.

[49:55] Every Emotion Is a Gift

• Why good vibes only is just a suppression strategy.
• How the Hawkins consciousness map gets misread when people overlay good and bad on it.
• Why you cannot live a full life when only certain emotions are available to you.
• How free will exists because of the contrast between the full spectrum of experience.
• Why God’s response in ceremony was more healing than any answer would have been.

Resources:

• David Hawkins: Power vs. Force

[54:06] The Quest for Certainty Is a Quest for Safety

• Why the craving for certainty is really a craving for the feeling that everything is going to be okay.
• How safety is an inside job.
• Why life is in service of you even when it is awful.
• How Kylie would lay on the grass as a child asking aliens to take her away from this painful planet.
• Why emotions are like waves in the ocean.
• How every emotion keeps knocking like a postman trying to deliver a package wrapped in ugly brown paper.

[01:03:16] The Christ Consciousness of the Triangle

• Why the ego is not the enemy and aggression is not bad.
• How the highest expression of the victim is divine innocence and humility.
• Why the highest expression of the rescuer is complete self-sacrifice like Christ on the cross.
• Why the highest expression of the aggressor is the divine warrior who protects the innocent.
• How the shortcut to all of this is an open heart and a strong spine.

Resources:

• 812 | Alex Charfen: What A Woman Needs From A Man In A Relationship

[01:11:19] Fun and Compassion in Personal Development

• Why the personal development industry has gotten drunk on ego.
• How compassion is the presence of an empathetic witness.
• Why sharing in service of the union is different from sharing to be understood.
• How the degree you cannot see the other perspective is the degree you are vulnerable to being hooked.

[01:18:04] Being at Peace with What Is

• How accepting something exists is not the same as endorsing it.
• Why anything in your life you would not consciously choose has some part of your unconscious resonant with it.
• What the real difference is between being a victim and playing the victim.
• Why the first step for anyone victimized is to grieve fully before asking anything else.
• What we resist persists.

[01:22:19] Emotional Epigenetics and Ancestral Grief

• How your thoughts, relationships, and inner states turn genetic predispositions on or off.
• How Kylie spent six months sitting on the kitchen floor crying while her children brought her tissues.
• What the difference is between being depressed and being in a genuine process of grief.
• How through her personal grief she dropped into waves of ancestral grief she describes as the grief of all women of all time.
• Why we carry not just the wounds of our ancestors but also their strengths, joy, and gifts.
• How every unhealed wound winds the genetic expression of the cell with trauma waiting to be unwound.

Resources:

• Bruce Lipton: Biology of Belief

[01:30:58] Courage and the Game of Life

• Why everything good comes after courage.
• How asking why something happened is usually the wrong question on the path to peace.
• Why the best players of the game of life are as grateful as possible for what already exists.
• How anytime something seems bad, asking how it might turn to your advantage is the practice.

Resources:

• Vadim Zeland: Reality Transurfing

[01:40:45] The Gift of Simplicity

• How making a complex thing simple enough to explain to a ten-year-old is one of the highest forms of intelligence.
• Why the biggest gift Kylie wants to give her children is the tools to meet life as it is.
• How many gifts never reach the world because the insecurity underneath never gets addressed.
• Why heart alchemy is a field guide for the heart.

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All Resources From This Episode

• Kylie Ryan
• Free Drama Dissolver Self-Coaching Game
• Heart Alchemy Course – Use code JOSH for $100 off
• Dr. Stephen Karpman | Drama Triangle
• Dan Brule | Breathwork
• Alan Watts: The Wisdom of Insecurity
• 311 | Mark Wolynn: It Didn’t Start With You — Ending The Cycle of Inherited Trauma
• David Hawkins: Power vs. Force
• 812 | Alex Charfen: What A Woman Needs From A Man In A Relationship
• Bruce Lipton: Biology of Belief
• Vadim Zeland: Reality Transurfing